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Then, one night, clutching my pillow, bursting into tears, I ended the game, realizing its meaninglessness and futility, and accepted, sorrowing, the drabness, the boredom, the pointlessness, the impoverishment, the emptiness, the reality of my life. - (Smugglers of Gor, Chapter 5, Sentence #99)

I had shown to myself that there was nothing to fear, that my apprehensions and concerns had been groundless. How relieved, and pleased, I should be! Did I understand then what I had truly been doing, what I really wanted? I do not think so. I understand now. Then, one night, clutching my pillow, bursting into tears, I ended the game, realizing its meaninglessness and futility, and accepted, sorrowing, the drabness, the boredom, the pointlessness, the impoverishment, the emptiness, the reality of my life. How pathetic that I, a forlorn, wandering slave, should find myself on a world without masters. How was it that one such as I had been born here, in this place, in this time? Must it not be a mistake? I was not, and did not wish to be, an identical, a neuter, an artifact, a product, a role, an adversary, an enemy, a foe. I had striven to be these things, what I was not, what I was told to be, what was prescribed for me, but I had failed. - (Smugglers of Gor)